A couple of weeks ago I did a three day fast with my church. I always dread the idea of going on a fast, but every time I do it, I am always amazed at what happens. When I fast, it usually consists of me denying myself food, facebook, twitter, etc. My focus is solely on prayer, reading my Bible, and listening to God.
During this fast, the Lord showed me that I had made an idol out of two things:
- My body image
When I was in high school I weighed 164 pounds. After joining Weight Watchers I lost thirty pounds. I was amazed at my body, but what amazed me the most was how people responded to my body. I would receive invites to join "Baddest Body" contests, females would tell me how they wished they had my body, etc. None of this went to my head, because I knew how hard I worked to reach that point due to the fact that I'm not a skinny minny person by nature. My desire to stay in shape was not inspired by motivation to be healthy, I just wanted to have a nice, curvaceous body. This desire soon led to my body image being on my mind ALL THE TIME. I would constantly critique my body and compare myself to others. If I ate something that wasn't healthy, I would feel terrible. I would weigh myself every morning and evening. If I lost weight, that was a happy day for me, but if I gained weight it was a sad day. It's important to be healthy and watch your weight, but what I was doing was idolizing my body image, as if the media isn't doing enough of that for me.
2. My desire to be married
I have come to the conclusion that when I have children, my daughters won't be allowed to play with Barbie. I came to that conclusion, because just like majority of little girls, I grew up fantasizing about my Ken. Don't get me wrong, it's nothing wrong with wanting to be married, but when it consumes your whole life and thoughts, then it becomes a problem. It has taken me YEARS to embrace my singleness. I am slowly, but surely becoming content with where I am in my life. I have to remind myself that in marriage two halfs doesn't make a whole, but two wholes make a whole. I need to be content with being Nikki, in all my ratchetness.
So what have I been doing, since I became aware of these idols in my life? Now I understand why it was so hard for people in the Bible to let go of their idols. When you have an idol, you believe that it can make you feel better. I believed/believe that having a perfect body and a husband will make me feel better about life and who I am. What a wretched thing to believe. I know that my mind has been contaminated. With the help of Jesus, I am letting go of these idols. It is a challenge, because I have had these idols for years.
I'm grateful though, because I don't have to go into another year of being blind. I am now tackling the root of a lot of pain and it feels good to be made free.
What are the idols in your life that you never knew existed? Let them go.
"You shall have no other gods before me."
-Exodus 20:3-
love this Nikki! this was a good read. I'm sure many people, in our age bracket could benefit from reading this too.
ReplyDeleteI love this. Think I needed to read this. And I read it right after I updated my blog at interiorintensive.blogspot.com. I have the husband. (Wasn't looking) I have a beautiful daughter ( Wasn't planning on her) and we live very comfortable for our age. What I don't have is my career back. And I obsess about it ALL THE TIME. I wanna be set free but how can God be mad b/c I want to work? Why won't he bless me with supporting my new husband in building our lives together? I think about it constantly b/c I'm at home raising our daughter. I'm tired of diaper changes, naps and her playing w/ the same old toys b/c we really don't have the resources like that to just go out and provide new ones. She needs to be socialized and so do I went other adults in a work setting! It's frustrating but now I'm asking the hard questions. Like, God what am i suppose to do to get a career out of you? LOL! I joke but I mask the pain behind the humor. It's going on 3 years from not working. I was working in the world's largest architectural firm, and traveling the world to doing absolutely nothing on a daily basis! I act out by eating all day or doing other bad things out of boredom. I just don't even know how to be anymore. It's sad.
ReplyDeleteGreat post and very timely. I'm working on simplifying my life right now and trying to detatch myself from needing material things to make me feel complete. Not only material things but also intangible things that in my mind will validate my status and my worth. It takes some time to change that perspective and essentially recondition yourself to focus on what's really important, but it's a worthy investment unlike all the fleeting things that we tend to get attached to.
ReplyDeleteI have the same issues with weight. I was 230 pounds, went down to 160, then up to 170, 180, 190, 200, 210!
ReplyDeleteNow I'm going back down and focusing on health this time. I'm at 199.
My body idol is a healthy me!
www.KinkyCurlyCoilyMe.com
Very transparent and honest post! I love reading those, always encouraging and FAITH provoking!
ReplyDeleteI totally feel you with the body image idol. I am currently fighting that joka now. Have you read Elyse Fitpatrick book entitled 'Loved to Eat, Hate To Eat" BEST CHRISTIAN, biblical book on weight. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND!!
Another Idol I am fighting is 'my time' . When I was single it was all about me, no responsibilities, no husband to submit to. The grass always looks greener on the other side, then when you get there, a WHOLE OTHER door of heart issues are revealed. Sanctification dosent end. LOL I have other people now to give my time, effort and best to. Its not about me after all!
Great post Chica!
love ya blog! :)
I love how you said two halves dont make a whole, that is so true. I've never been in a serious relationship & I'm 24yrs old. I always thought that if I had a boyfriend, that would make me happier. It would make me happy that I had a boyfriend but it wouldn't make me feel any better about myself or life in general.
ReplyDeleteI also need to stop comparing myself to other women & accept that I am unique & no one else looks like me.