A couple of weeks ago I did a three day fast with my church. I always dread the idea of going on a fast, but every time I do it, I am always amazed at what happens. When I fast, it usually consists of me denying myself food, facebook, twitter, etc. My focus is solely on prayer, reading my Bible, and listening to God.
During this fast, the Lord showed me that I had made an idol out of two things:
- My body image
When I was in high school I weighed 164 pounds. After joining Weight Watchers I lost thirty pounds. I was amazed at my body, but what amazed me the most was how people responded to my body. I would receive invites to join "Baddest Body" contests, females would tell me how they wished they had my body, etc. None of this went to my head, because I knew how hard I worked to reach that point due to the fact that I'm not a skinny minny person by nature. My desire to stay in shape was not inspired by motivation to be healthy, I just wanted to have a nice, curvaceous body. This desire soon led to my body image being on my mind ALL THE TIME. I would constantly critique my body and compare myself to others. If I ate something that wasn't healthy, I would feel terrible. I would weigh myself every morning and evening. If I lost weight, that was a happy day for me, but if I gained weight it was a sad day. It's important to be healthy and watch your weight, but what I was doing was idolizing my body image, as if the media isn't doing enough of that for me.
2. My desire to be married
I have come to the conclusion that when I have children, my daughters won't be allowed to play with Barbie. I came to that conclusion, because just like majority of little girls, I grew up fantasizing about my Ken. Don't get me wrong, it's nothing wrong with wanting to be married, but when it consumes your whole life and thoughts, then it becomes a problem. It has taken me YEARS to embrace my singleness. I am slowly, but surely becoming content with where I am in my life. I have to remind myself that in marriage two halfs doesn't make a whole, but two wholes make a whole. I need to be content with being Nikki, in all my ratchetness.
So what have I been doing, since I became aware of these idols in my life? Now I understand why it was so hard for people in the Bible to let go of their idols. When you have an idol, you believe that it can make you feel better. I believed/believe that having a perfect body and a husband will make me feel better about life and who I am. What a wretched thing to believe. I know that my mind has been contaminated. With the help of Jesus, I am letting go of these idols. It is a challenge, because I have had these idols for years.
I'm grateful though, because I don't have to go into another year of being blind. I am now tackling the root of a lot of pain and it feels good to be made free.
What are the idols in your life that you never knew existed? Let them go.
"You shall have no other gods before me."